“The future of our Nation lies in Potato farming.”

Druk Nyamrup Tshogpa, you guys need to chill the heck out, bro. I understand your partial lack of knowledge on Economics or anything for that matter. Okay, two things; your Facebook is a profile instead of a page (dumb, dumb); and secondly, you believe that sheep were the reason our country went into debt? Come on, man. You could have blamed those stupid buffalos, all they do is sit all day long and fart, which is as some reliable source pointed out, the number one cause of ozone depletion. But sheep? Seriously?

Calm down. We’re not on the verge of default, nowhere near Greece, those guys must have been spending on hookers. At least we know we’re not. Or, do we?

Most of the Loans we have taken are Hydropower loans. You see those tunnels they have dug in Punatshangchu? Apparently, they require money. I mean who would have thought it would cost money, right? Okay, come here, put your bong down, let’s talk sense for a while. ‘There is a difference between investment and spending; debt and a Loan.’ I borrow money to buy a cow, now that is an investment. But, I borrow money to purchase a cow and butcher it for beef, now that is spending.

And as usual, great pundits on Facebook decided to weigh in on the debate with their highly knowledgeable status’. Their vision, unblurred. Their knowledge of Economics, unparalleled; in that, it did not parallel with anyone actually having knowledge of economics. Barking on the internet like a mad dog chasing car. To blindly disapprove because you don’t support the political party doesn’t make you a patriot. It makes you a myopic douche-bag with a smartphone. So please get your head out of your ass and try looking out of the Facebook pond you apparently live in, and do some research instead of giving your hypocritical lectures.

So, what’s your point assholes? That we give up development? That we give up Hydro Electric project and go back to potato farming? You’re not one of them that thinks that Isolation was the best thing that happened to our country, are you?

What was even funnier was our Lyonchen lashing out at it immediately, not necessarily to explain things; but obviously to send DNT back to their respective caves. While DNT was apparently trying to gain political mileage, PDP was visibly trying to protect one. You ran your campaign by blaming DPT; it is only reasonable for someone to do the same to you too. I mean this is politics, right? You build your castle on the sand by selling dreams.

Let’s not once again reduce the debate of national concern down to PDP versus DPT argument. This country is not about PDP, DPT, DNT, Aum Neten’s party, and other parties nobody gives a rat’s ass to; this is a country that needs leaders or aspiring leaders with a temperament slightly more than that of Jackson Drukpa.
One Government fails to uphold the decisions of the previous Government. How can a decision that was passed by the National Assembly be dismissed so easily? This only points to the fact that we are nothing more than bitchy teenage girls not liking each other, and as such this Great Nation of our’s remains divided. Politically, at least.

Are we really the kind of Nation that loses its cool over a drop of a hat? It got me thinking; we are such a young and vibrant democracy, why do we still fail so much? Oh, then I realized we are just eight years old, and just like any eight-year toddler, we spend an enormous amount of time being an asshole, screaming for no reason, and eating our own poop.

Pelden Drukpa Gyalo.

Don’t censor art in the name of culture, censor stupidity if you must

Some of you who follow me closely might be smart enough to point out that I do not live my life by social norms. I have this real useless thing I do called ‘thinking,’ and because of that I often like to form an opinion about things once in a while, especially when stupidity is involved. And a very reliable source (consisting of a group of morons who hate the concept of joy and freedom) notified me that because of this I am not a very good Bhutanese citizen.
Please read along as I enter the forbidden land of Bhutanese hypocrisy to piss off another group of people.

As many of you know, I make my living from the Film Industry. And as such, we have to live very much under the dictates of BICMA, an authority often referred to as ‘real life autocorrect’ by some.
Recently, in their quest to censor everything good from Bhutanese media, they have once again jumped in with their rod of chastening to censor kissing scenes from Bhutanese movies. (I didn’t know this was a thing until one of the films I was associated with was denied certificate unless they cut out the kissing scene.) Before I further my case, let me remind my audience that the scenes weren’t unshowable.

When asked to justify, their answer was that we have always been a conservative society and such are shameful, indecent and against our culture.

Now those of you who think a kissing scene in a film is obscene and against our culture, do you even know our culture? Do you know how salacious our traditions can be at times?
You can’t even enter a Bhutanese village with your family members because every possible place is filled with penises and phalluses. Penises protruding out of the door posts, penises hanging down from the roof. There are large wall paintings of penis fastened with silk ribbon, and for some reason strangled by a dragon. And people even wear miniature phalluses for a necklace as a sign of good luck.
There is the festival of naked dance where nude men flap their junk against their thighs, and the rest of the women watch them and clap.
And there is the widely celebrated tradition of night hunting, a culture that encourages non-consensual sex, rape, and teenage pregnancy.
And not to mention the tradition of Serga-Mathang, a glorified excuse to screw one’s cousins.
Go to any Tshechus and try coming back without being dry-humped from the back by some mannerless Atsaras.
Bhutanese worship Lam Drukpa Kuenley whose very philosophy of preaching Dharma was through (brace yourself ladies) the blessings of his gigantic johnson.

It is penises, sex, penises, and more penises; that is our whole culture. And you are telling me that we were culturally very conservative and shy society? Then you either don’t know our culture at all, or you are blind.

What makes our culture? The music, the literature, the paintings, the costumes. And what are they? Art. And art and culture are evolving every day. Culturally, we never wore underwears; now we do. (Although there are rumors that some senior officials at the Driglam Namzha commission still do not wear underwear in order to uphold our tradition of no-underwear.) We used to cook our food in a bamboo trunk; now we have rice cookers. My point is, things evolve for betterment without necessarily changing our identity.

I do appreciate your efforts to promote our national language and national dress; you keep an eye that our culture is upheld properly. And these are good things you do, but there are those things you do that do not make any sense in today’s modern society. We are already exposed to such things through televisions and western medias.

The change is flowing in like a flood. Globalization is inevitable. You can either move with the flow or get washed by it; either way, despite your approval, change is here to stay for good.

Does maternity leave matter if we leave?

Let us all agree, we as a society have given the least importance to our mothers. Expecting women to give life and in return leave her alone to battle for her life is a bit of an overkill. By supporting our mothers we are not just ensuring a better childcare, we are also securing a better, brighter and healthy next generation. Does it hurt giving birth? Of course, it hurts you imbecile, I have had shit that hurt.

Here is what happened when the Government proposed to increase maternity leave, it is as if when the issue of maternity leave was raised, someone from the opposition stood and asked, “wait, wait, whose mother are we talking about? Mine or everyone else’s?”
“The Radhi-Sagteng MP, Jigme Wangchuk, questioned the government on their pledge to extend maternity leave for working mothers…”
Because Radhi-Sagteng MP was born on a Lotus flower, fed by swans and raised by a deer. He grew up in the jungle, taught animal dharma while he traveled the forest on the back of a flying tiger.
Why is it hard for a man to understand this? Don’t we all have mothers? Don’t they have wives who give birth? Or sisters? A girlfriend? Common sense?
Because opposition’s job is to oppose? Even if someone passes a bill called “We should all eat food,” these guys will still come up with some screwed up bullshit about why we shouldn’t eat food. It’s like high school debate competition. We all know the shit we had to endure listening to the retards talk gibberish.

Sangay Khandu had a bit different opinion. “He said giving better job opportunities to women would be more effective than allowing extended maternity leave. He said the job securities of working mothers in private and the corporation should also be taken into account.” What better opportunities? His speech is euphemistic of a coach asking a footballer with a broken leg to come back for practice. “Look Chencho, I know you have a broken limb and probably smashed your right testicle beyond repair, but all I am saying is join back, and we will raise your salary.” What the hell coach? What the hell?
It’s almost like donating a kidney to a patient with piles. “Sure, Pema went in there for a colonoscopy to see if her rectum was doing fine, but thanks to generous MP, now she has three kidneys and unattended hemorrhoid.”
He was right about one thing, though; this will hamper the Job security of the mothers. Such regulations might put women’s livelihood at risk. Private agencies might not hire women at all.

Here is the state of it as of now:

Model Internal Service Rules of an Enterprise
–  “…shall be entitled to 3 months maternity leave on the production of a medical certificate…”
Yeah, because a bulging belly is apparently not enough. Although, they have a valid point here; most of the men in Bhutan have a big belly, they could as well, for instance, take advantage and apply for a maternity leave.
– “In an event of a miscarriage, a maximum leave of 4 weeks shall be granted on the production of a medical certificate from a recognized medical practitioner in Bhutan.” Four weeks? Just to be clear, you realize she just threw a baby out of her vagina right?

 Bhutan Civil Service Rules and Regulations 2010
– Three months leave with basic pay
– Mother with babies up to 12 months will get lunch time from 12 noon to 2 pm

Here is our suggestion:

– Leave should start at least two weeks before the due date.
– Maternity leaves for six months.
– One year of flexi-time.
– Two-hour lunch breaks for up to two years.

Not just the job-goers, women in the rural areas should also be looked into. When it comes to alimony, villagers are complete assholes. It is beyond my empathy that society has so long looked down on women. Failing to support women even with such necessities on the Government’s part legitimizes domestic violence, encourages patriarchy and upholds the sexist society that we have always been. Don’t act like you respect your mother if you for a fact fail to realize that she almost died to give you life; and as a result, fail to support her morally in these matters.

We are capable of empathy; we are capable of perceiving pain that’s why we don’t have to chop off our fingers to learn that it would hurt. This shouldn’t just be civil service rules; rather this should be a bill that will be eventually passed on as an Act. We’re not just talking about servicewomen; we’re talking about mothers in general.

I would like to apologize to all you mothers out there for being an asshole. Dear Bhutanese, let us not be the assholes our ancestors were. What better way to honor the women who brought you into this world than this? Please share, Facebook, tweet and write until we ensure the government does something about it.

Thimphu hates taxi drivers, taxi drivers hate RSTA

Thimphu hates taxi drivers, taxi drivers hate RSTA, RSTA hates everybody, and everybody hates RSTA. It’s the circle of hate.

Okay, first the speed breakers that had us gnashing our teeth, and when we had just begun to make peace with the speed breakers, came then the Taxi stand. For God’s sake, why do we keep on experimenting with things when a simple common sense could have solved almost all the bad decisions? Need examples? How about the ugly green fences in between the Thimphu Babesa highway? I can’t believe it took at least few case of deaths and a visit from the Indian Prime Minister for someone to realize finally “shit! That was really stupid.”

Let us, for a moment assume that the speed breakers are for the good of the general public and that we will follow rules like a well-trained dingo. Even dogs require tremendous amounts of beatings to train them; we are human, the biologically superior idiots.

Thanks to RSTA, now basically, just to get a ride, we will have to walk half a mile to the nearest taxi stop and wait. Where’s the logic in that? Isn’t the sole and only purpose of a Taxi to pick us and drop us any places we want them to reach us? It’s like an entire department is filled with stupid people. Erm.. my doubt, how can an entire department be filled with stupid people? I mean how can you not see that? Frankly, it is quite astounding that of the hundreds of staff they have, nobody, not even a single guy had the balls to walked up to his boss and say, ‘Sir that is the most stupid idea I have ever heard in decades. Can we stop this gibberish?’

Why doesn’t the rule apply to the city bus? Just because it belongs to the government? How come a city bus can stuff in as many passengers like an Indian Local train and nobody bats an eye? Now you tell me RSTA, in what Universe is that not corruption?

Having said, how can you win a fight with RSTA? The universe works in perfect motion because they approve of it. Every time they speak, a poor child in Africa gets cured of AIDS. I give up.
There is no point to this article; it’s like teaching compassion to a bear. After a thousand try, realizing you have wasted all these time for nothing, you look at yourself, nod your head and mumble, “Man, what the heck was wrong with me?”

My opinions are only regarding the Taxi stand, and I wish that they would take it into considerations and come up with something that will benefit us all instead of being a bureaucratic asshole.
Please share this! A couple in Babesa ignored this article and immediately a huge goiter grew on their neck.

Why is this place a no parking area? Oh, I get it. The police owns that road.

Why is this place a no parking area? Oh, I get it. The police own that road.

 

Bhutan stretchable time

In Bhutan, it is okay to come to the office one hour late, but it is not okay to leave office one hour late. It is a fashion to arrive late, do things later and chew doma. What gets my goat the most are our mentality: it’s like the entire country is filled with happy go lucky hillbillies who apparently has no regards whatsoever for his own or other’s time. Maybe these things were going on for so long that we eventually stopped giving a rat’s ass. But I think procrastination is the biggest form of corruption that’s been going on in Bhutan.

Let me narrate you a real story that would perhaps summarize our mentality in a nutshell. Back in my primary school, on the National day, we were gathered for the march-past since 7 AM in the morning. Lam Neten, our chief guest, was supposed to arrive at 8 AM, but he doesn’t. We were made to stand in the scorching sun for almost two hours, and then finally he comes at 9:15 AM. And the first thing he said was “Cha Chachab lesum bey hey gaa?” Seriously Lama? I mean, you made us wait in the scorching sun for almost two hours, half of our girls blacked out, a dozen of them left for hospital with bleeding nose, my testicles somehow almost reached my throat, and the only thing that comes to my mind right now is to plunge my hand through your anus, grab out your intestines and then choke you to death with it. And you suppose we’re fine? Go on Lama.
And then, like all other assholes from Bhutan, Lama had all his time. He beat around the bush for one hour most of which copied lines from sheyting. Who in his right mind, under the heat of scorching the sun gives an hour long speech? Lam Neten apparently. Lama went on; the Scouts kept on picking the fainted students, one of the guys even got epileptic seizure as I stood there still, sweats dripping down my testicles, dehydrating me drop by drop. At the end of that one hour long teeth chattering, cuss muttering, curse whispering moment of frustration, Lama gave us one of the most remarkable advice of all time “ditsue Thola matang. Chhog taago nya butsha” Oh really? Out of seven billion people on Earth, Lama finds himself and only himself worthy to inspire us with his time management bullshit. Congratulations Lama, rather than an amiable wise sage we thought you were, you turned out to be an aging douchebag.

But everywhere is the same in Bhutan. Procrastination is our thing. It is like cancer which we can’t get rid of. It’s in our genes passed on by our forefathers. And we treasure it like a tradition, which, if lost would put our freedom at stake. Civil servants, teachers, students, Dashos mostly, MP’s, police…everyone.
Many times when we go to government offices, we get the answer “Come on Monday, Dasho dato busy dhu” just like that, without even thinking. And of Corse, when we go next Monday they will repeat the same line like a retarded parrot. Well, he isn’t made Dasho so he can sit on his chair, be served and get la-la-shu-shu. He was put there to do his job. Then do the thing.

Our officers should know that most of the people who comes aren’t from around Thimphu, and they probably have to stay at hotels or relatives’ house. Your one day of postponement will probably cost them a thousand bucks. I have seen people move around from office to office for months just to get simple things done.

If only we knew how to value time; if only our Government officials stopped procrastinating, if only they knew that everyone has their lives to lead, mouths to feed. We would have been far fruitful and self-reliant country.

 

Ban slaughter house, says hypocrites

Now about the recent announcement of Government planning to open slaughterhouses in Bhutan, we have thousands of comments and hate status’ flooding across Facebook protesting against the idea, because two things happened in Bhutan; internet and freedom of speech. It is seen okay to slaughter animals as long as it is being carried out someplace far, someplace NOT in Bhutan, because Bhutan is a Buddhist country; as much as we don’t support slaughtering animals as  it is seen as something profane, we don’t at all mind consuming, for meat is one vital source of protein, besides the treat to the taste buds. Double Standards!

What struck me the most was the hypocrisy adorned with the self-righteous mentality in those comments. Show them a picture of chicken biryani and they will say “yummy,” “delicious,” “give me the recipe dude” and all but show them a picture of a slaughter house and they will immediately launch into a diatribe about animal rights, sin and how the meat eaters will be cooked in hot boiling oil in Dorji Ngewa and then be born as a cow and be slaughtered. Ask a Hindu and they will say “but cow is goddess dude, how can you kill your goddess?” Yeah! Because it’s okay to slaughter goats as they are not cows. What a logic.

We talk about freedom of choice and all yet these bigots choose to abide by and shove down upon others’ throats, a particular streak of carefully chosen doctrines and dogmas woven into a set of Dos and Don’ts that the rest of us are suppose to follow like a blind sheep.

And some illiterate idiots will go on even exemplifying Nepal saying “You want Earthquake like Nepal?” Because geographical phenomenon like the plate tectonic movement is mostly initiated by the number of buffalos killed. That leads us to a ground-breaking discovery in the field of geology that the dinosaurs must have slaughtered hundreds of thousands of buffalos that initiated the great Indian tectonic movement which formed the Himalayas some 50 million years ago. I am sure every time these fanatics post stupidity like that; there is a Geography teacher somewhere banging his bemused little head against the wall.

And did you know that we consume more than 5000 cows every year and how do you justify that with your pseudo-religious dumb-wit? Have you seen the line outside the meat shop a day before a month-long meat ban? A month long supply of meat is stored, and then what? Who cares about the ban? What I know from my experience is that Bhutanese will start stealing each other’s goats and chickens but won’t become a vegetarian because of meat ban.

To further throw light on the subject we have called Lopen Phakpa Lama here at Bhutan Pundit studio.
Bhutan Pundit: So, Lopen Phakpa Lama, can you elaborate on the recent frenzy about the whole slaughter house thingy that has stormed the internet?
Phakpa Lama: Tok tok chem chem pai namjay…
Bhutan Pundit:  Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold your horses, sir. Mind your language.

Advantages of having a slaughter house
1. We spend an enormous amount of money in importing meat. Imagine the impact that will bring on our farmers economically.
2. Since we have a very robust regulatory systems like BAFRA, the quality of meat will obviously be well looked into.
3. The spread of diseases will be significantly controlled.
4. Huge economic boost.
5. The outflow of IC can be controlled in millions.
6. God knows the kinds of cancerous substances we’ve been consuming. I fear.
7. I doubt what chemicals they feed the animals or what preservatives they use.

Disadvantages of  having a slaughter house
1. Impending Earthquake.
2. Due to too much consumption of meat, entire population of Bhutan might die of diabetes.

Now, thanks to the thousands of bandwagoning idiots; because we’re now pressured to live up to the expectations of countless morons who dictate how the rest of us should live our lives based on some well-intentioned idiocy coined by some first century sage and to play our part in their contrived narrative to bring closure to the Idea of our choice and freedom.
Congratulations. You won.

Why Tobacco act was a Joke even to a non-smoker

In a continued absurdity that is Bhutanese Politics, a new page was written five years ago, you know when road constructions were completed, schools built, developmental works over and our politicians were left without a job; Tobacco Control Act was born. Okay, after much trepidation I decided to publish this article anyway. Why talk about it now? Because firstly I am an asshole and secondly this is not a news site.

When asked why the obvious answer was that Tobacco imposes danger to both spiritual and social health. It is quite correct till here but hang on… And the religious activists started adding to the debate with their asinine logic of it being a Demon plant grown to doom humanity. Because it is fine if you consume it, but not if you sell it –quiet right interpretation of Guru Rinpoche’s prophecy. And this has only furthered my staunch belief that religion mixed with politics is a recipe for disaster.

Halt, before you think that this blog is running some cancer promoting campaign, I am a non-smoker and I support it as long as its motives are concerned but to force it upon people against their will is extremism and belittling of human rights. Why be like the Muslims that banned pork or the Hindus that banned beef for the supposed ‘collective good?’ Just because other regressive nations dictate how their citizens should lead their respective lives doesn’t mean we should too. I get it; we have a history of self-pride; for the first decade we kept bragging about how great it was for our country to be in isolation, and for the next decade we realized what a stupid idea that was all together and we never brought that subject again into discussion. But we are a country known for its degree of patience and tolerance also.

Many crimes happen because of alcohol; it affects society badly why not ban it? Because we manufacture alcohol, and it would hamper our business? Pork is responsible for epilepsies, Why not ban it? Diabetes kills more than TB, should we ban food? Sex spreads HIV/AIDS, why not cut penises out? If these things sound irrational so should tobacco ban. Problems are looked into, tackled, solved. Not omitted, dismissed or banned. At one point, It became safer and cheaper to do drugs than smoking. Where is the logic? I watched the debates on BBS, after a point it became quite clear to us that politics have somewhat turned into a scene where two matured oxen beat the shit out of each other for the purpose of gaining superiority till the other ox runs away frantically or shits diarrhea.

But despite all the frenzy and uproar it caused, did it do a little good? To answer that we have called your Alcoholic dad here at our Bhutan Pundit studio.

Bhutan Pundit: So, Azha Changzey what do you think are the possible shortcomings of the Tobacco control act as reflected in the lives of smokers like yourself?
Azha Changzey: Jadha laab.
Bhutan Pundit: Thank you Azha Changzey, good digging.
Azha Changzey: Jadha, Jadha.

Anyway, continuing… Need for amendment of a Law itself is a proof of its failure. And while they go about bragging success, mark this, not a single smoker quit smoking, not that I know of; they only paid more for a puff. One thing is true; tobacco act has only paved a broader way for the black market and illegal smuggling. A single packet of cigarette costs as high as 150 bucks. Where is the logic behind “you can smoke one but you can’t buy one?”
An average person smokes a packet a day, multiply that by a month and he spends at least Nu. 4500 a month and Nu. 54,000 a year just on cigarette, unless they manage to smuggle a year’s worth of supply across the checkpoint by hiding it in their underwear or shoving up their ass. Smuggling Tobacco has become a very lucrative low-cost high-output business for the Black marketers. An average smuggler earns, suppose he has around 100 customers a day, about Nu.  54,00,000 a year of un-taxed money.

What should have been done instead?
1. The government should have built smoking houses around the city or ordered Hotels and bars to allocate smoking zone. Yes, public smoking should be strictly prohibited and punished because passive smoking kills.
2. Selling of tobacco products to youths should be banned.
3. Smoking Tobacco use in front of Children should be banned.
4. Run various awareness campaigns.
5. Influencing another person to smoke should be a serious offense or even a felony.

The Act
Many innocent Bhutanese were convicted under the act. It was havoc, faceless Atcharas masquerading across Facebook groups yelling cries for Amendment. And the Government fear mongering the citizens by imposing rules pertaining to personal life is a dangerous trend, especially with things that were very much legal a week ago. In many religious countries, even in Bhutan, we have seen how disastrous it is for the social fabric of the nation.
Somebody should really nominate our politicians to a boiling bucket challenge for the purpose of conscience awakening which will happen in the next paragraph.

Amendment
The Act was amended two years after under which possession limits were increased, and penalties were decreased. Fourth-degree felony- a punishment equivalent of that of sexually assaulting an elderly woman reserved for possession of four times the limit. However, the ban on the sale of tobacco was not lifted. And Prime Minister stated that the amendment was duly because of “pain and the suffering” the act had caused after some 59 arrests. Because you have to experiment with the lives of 59 people just to understand how much you sucked.

The joke
The National Council, today, decided that supply and distribution of tobacco products in the Country will be permitted. The manufacturing of tobacco, however, will remain banned as stated in the Tobacco Control Act. –source: BBS

 

Nepal Earthquake: Natural catastrophe, manmade casualties

The world watched in disbelief and grief as news channels, twitter feeds and Facebook flooded with the updates on rising number of deaths and the pictures of the city of Kathmandu, Nepal brought down to rubble by 7.9 Magnitude Earthquake. The Entire nation is in shock and trauma. My heart sank more as more and more deaths were announced.
What frustrates me the most is the that most of the buildings that collapsed were the ones that were either too old or poorly built. A study by Geohazard International found that two-thirds of the structures built in the area did not meet seismic code standards. Hence, the loss of life is likely going to be tied to weak building standards, poor seismic regulations and overly crowded populations. Statistically speaking, at least half of the deaths could have been avoided, had those things been considered considering how Earthquake prone the area was. Stronger buildings would not have collapsed or at least given enough time for the residents to run to safety. And this becomes clearer when we compare the buildings that collapsed and that did not.

Companies that sucked:

  1. Google Search had only those Western News companies on the top ranks who were just posting stolen images from twitter feeds of some Nepalese guy. Fresh and authentic news, right from the mouth of the Nepalese was hard and tricky to find.
  2. Facebook “safe” button was available only towards the evening, at least in Bhutan.
  3. And what was BBS doing? I don’t know, ask them.
  4. NDTV was busy looping few videos over and over again while flashing in as much ad as possible. Their death statics were all wrong. Someone could have at least referred to Twitter or called Nepal;
  5. BSNL charged local rates.

No amount of condolence will ever be enough to console the victims of Nepal Earthquake. May the Lord shower his grace abundantly. Always in our prayer.
And here I am sitting on a chair and commenting like a hypocrite. I wish I could be there, share their pain, lend a helping hand for the fallen and a shoulder to cry upon for the grieved.

 

 

Bhutanese public toilet, also known as bush

How many times did you enter a public toilet and find it overflowing with shit, filled with sticks or swarmed with flies? Always. How many public toilets do we have in Bhutan? Very few. What then? We have to run to the mercy of nature to relief ourselves, risking bear attacks or bee stings.
Why not use hotel/restaurant toilets? Have you seen the look on their faces when you order nothing and just use their toilet?

We are seriously too proud of our natural heritage that if anyone asked for a toilet, an obvious answer would be, “dude we have 72.5% of forest, what do you need a toilet for?”
Being raised in a very religious society, with altruistic moral upbringing, we believe in giving back to nature, yeah a huge turd in the shape of a torma, that’s what you give back to the environment. A perfect barter for the life-giving oxygen and free natural resources.

Thimphu City has only two toilets; one which is near RICB building -a residence cum public toilet and another at bus booking.
Which means, if you have diarrhea, you’ll have to decide firstly which toilet is the nearest and secondly, storm towards the toilet 100 meter dash; with a leaky butt while chanting Om Mani Padme Hung so that the gods or whatever deity responsible will somehow miraculously be involved in preventing you from shitting your pants.

We do have graffiti art culture in Bhutan, except, most of our highly talented artists use semen stained toilet walls to convey their message to the masses. Drawings of oddly shaped genitals, obese couple having sex or depressing quotes like “Chimi is a Randi, call her in this number…” 

The Buddha point, a beautiful tourist location once, but with all the after-party fishy activities that has been happening lately, the place could be rechristened adultery Hill, and is filled with tampons, used balloons, and shit.

Sarpang Bazaar, mini Bihar of Bhutan is the infamous place to shit. The moment you enter the slum, you get the stench of rotting feces. Fresh shit, rotting shit, diarrhea; Sarshop shit, Bengali shit, Bihari shit, Lotshampa shit, tourist shit, poor men’s shit, rich men’s shit, name it, smell it. No discrimination -gender, ethnic, whatsoever. As you go behind the town, provided you possess enough courage, and are trained enough in anulom-vilom by Baba Ramdev to control your breath for the entire duration, you’ll be welcomed with an endless display of sel-rotis.

Pelela, Dochula and Yonphula are some good places to shit. With cold, fresh unpolluted air hitting against your butt, a scenic landscape, yes, happiness is a place. To add to the fun, you can perhaps smoke a joint or sip in liquor. If you have constipation, you can hold one to the twigs as you tear your rectum to force out hardened excrement.

But we can use the lack of toilets to our advantage. We can play the revenge game. Do you hate the ruling party? Shit around the Minister’s colony. Are you pissed with the municipal? Shit behind their office. Traffic police’re bothering you? Shit behind RSTA office. Your landlord’s a douche bag? Shit in front of his door.
In fact, if you take a taxi to Lhuentse from Phuentsholing, you could shit all across the length of the country from Chukha to Thimphu to Wangduephodrang to Trongsa to Bumthang to Trashigang to Trashi Yangtse to Mongar. All you need to do is order a plate of puri from Jaigoan and you’re all set to manure the whole country with your eco-friendly shit revenge.

List of places that need toilets:
1. Hospital
2. Police Check Point
3. Towns
4. Schools
5. Banks
6. Your village
7. Your home

And that, dear Bhutanese, is how you bond with Nature.

Night hunting, a tradition of rape?

Ask what is the full form of BHUTAN to an Eastern boy, he’d instantly reply Boys-Hunting-Use-Torch-At-Night. We all enjoy the good night hunting Jokes, especially the guy that said: “meaw I am a cat.” But know this, morons, that concealed within the funny tales of night hunting are the victims of rape, teenage pregnancy, bastards, single mothers, a lifelong trauma and a destroyed dreams. Laugh on now, Jerks. You’re all going to hell for that.

Let me begin with a song, a popular song in Kurtoed and Tsakaling. Key lu ma ta tshig lu taa. Ahem! Ahem!

Nyachun tshelwa laa songnaa,
Aii gandmu dang oo laa phratoh,
Faarey loddey tangnaa,
Churey pektey hongdo.
**Please sing along in the tunes of Tshangmo.**

Which when roughly translated into English reads:
While I was going night hunting, I met this old hag.
I’d try pushing her away, But she’d come sticking to me. 

I studied in the East, in a hostel, where I was called names like Jagar, Ngera and Kancha for being a Southern Bhutanese. I was also teased for using water to wash my ass. Upon research, I found out that sticks, dry leaves and stones were much-accepted mores of ass wiping in the East. It is here that I learned a great deal about the great night prowlers of the East-The horny Dark Knight.

Let me tell you a heart touching story of a girl who lost her virginity new Jai-Bangla sweatpants. Early in the morning, I heard some noise outside our hostel. I went out to find out, and it was a fight between a girl and a boy who allegedly deflowered her the night before in her sleep. Apparently, the boy used scissors to cut a hole in her sweatpants, and she was demanding compensation for her pants. She had “no, rape is fine. But I want my sweatpants back” kind of attitude. It had me thinking to this day. Was night hunting a socially accepted norm? Did she even realize that she was raped?

Contrary to the story above, many women have become a silent victim to such practices, often keeping it a secret for the fear of the society.  I don’t think such practices are even to be called a tradition, let alone condoned or laughed at for that matter.

I know of a case where a man whose daughter was pregnant, rumored to be a victim to night hunting, dragged her by her hair, hit her, saying words like “I will stitch your vagina, you whore!” And that is when it struck me, that as a society, we have carefully cultivated the art of not Giving a rat’s ass. It is a constant state of Nirvana – nothing bothers you because nothing matters to you as you have turned into a class-A jerk. We’re much comfortable peeking from behind the curtains to the scene of a man beating his wife. While chanting Om Mani Padme Hung of course. Why not? After all, she is his property, he can violate her in whatever manner it pleases him. Because screw feminism, our society believes in patriarchy, and we uphold sexism. Bravo! Bravo!

But, all said and done, I kind of feel bad for the guys. You see, the only form of entertainment they had back then were playing cockfight, occasional wrestling, and masturbation. And one guy, at the height of boredom, must have thought while shitting beside the river bank, “you know what? Bomena! Bomena!” A Bhutanese Archimedes, who apparently discovered a brilliant way to deploy his genital.

It is not just the villagers, the urban folks, the civil servants, the so called educated folks of town are also equally tempted. Lure her with all your deceptive tales of success (nobody needs to know that you live as a paying guest in some attic apartment). Use her. And then leave without any trace. All under the banner of tradition you can safely thrust your penis into an unwilling vagina and just leave, waving a huge middle finger to the things like law, education, empathy, and humanity in the process.

Now, having said, some night hunting are on a mutual understanding; but for the fact that Bhutan is covered with 72% of forest, they could just hide behind the bush and do it like most of the decent folks in Thimphu do around Buddha point. Learn some manners from the Capital City, Bhutanese, learn. Why take all the risk? Why fear the ambush when you can use the bush?

Dear ladies, are you feeling unsafe? Are you a rape victim? Oh dear, you have a bad bad kharam. You must hang a wooden phallus around your neck and doorposts. A real penis might bring dishonor to you, but a wooden one will surely bring you blessings. Worship the great phallus. Trust me, apa-ama-promise, even Lam Drukpa Kuenley subdued the witches with his Gigantic Johnson.

All this so called ‘feminists’ does under the banner of Feminism is raised stupid questions like Why are women not allowed inside the Gyenkhangs? Why aren’t there many women politicians? I don’t know, do you have cow dung in your head? Why do you even care? Why not raise things like this instead, if you care about women empowerment?

Thanks to NGOs like RENEW, who are putting in lots of effort in Educating people and raising awareness.

Go ahead, give it a fancy name, call it Night Hunting or call it Bomena but rape is always a rape no matter under what disguise you might commit it.

There is no particular Law under Bhutanese Penal code that protects women against such practices. Night hunting is still practiced widely. Only the victims know what it feels like

If you care, please share.