Ban slaughter house, says hypocrites

Now about the recent announcement of Government planning to open slaughterhouses in Bhutan, we have thousands of comments and hate status’ flooding across Facebook protesting against the idea, because two things happened in Bhutan; internet and freedom of speech. It is seen okay to slaughter animals as long as it is being carried out someplace far, someplace NOT in Bhutan, because Bhutan is a Buddhist country; as much as we don’t support slaughtering animals as  it is seen as something profane, we don’t at all mind consuming, for meat is one vital source of protein, besides the treat to the taste buds. Double Standards!

What struck me the most was the hypocrisy adorned with the self-righteous mentality in those comments. Show them a picture of chicken biryani and they will say “yummy,” “delicious,” “give me the recipe dude” and all but show them a picture of a slaughter house and they will immediately launch into a diatribe about animal rights, sin and how the meat eaters will be cooked in hot boiling oil in Dorji Ngewa and then be born as a cow and be slaughtered. Ask a Hindu and they will say “but cow is goddess dude, how can you kill your goddess?” Yeah! Because it’s okay to slaughter goats as they are not cows. What a logic.

We talk about freedom of choice and all yet these bigots choose to abide by and shove down upon others’ throats, a particular streak of carefully chosen doctrines and dogmas woven into a set of Dos and Don’ts that the rest of us are suppose to follow like a blind sheep.

And some illiterate idiots will go on even exemplifying Nepal saying “You want Earthquake like Nepal?” Because geographical phenomenon like the plate tectonic movement is mostly initiated by the number of buffalos killed. That leads us to a ground-breaking discovery in the field of geology that the dinosaurs must have slaughtered hundreds of thousands of buffalos that initiated the great Indian tectonic movement which formed the Himalayas some 50 million years ago. I am sure every time these fanatics post stupidity like that; there is a Geography teacher somewhere banging his bemused little head against the wall.

And did you know that we consume more than 5000 cows every year and how do you justify that with your pseudo-religious dumb-wit? Have you seen the line outside the meat shop a day before a month-long meat ban? A month long supply of meat is stored, and then what? Who cares about the ban? What I know from my experience is that Bhutanese will start stealing each other’s goats and chickens but won’t become a vegetarian because of meat ban.

To further throw light on the subject we have called Lopen Phakpa Lama here at Bhutan Pundit studio.
Bhutan Pundit: So, Lopen Phakpa Lama, can you elaborate on the recent frenzy about the whole slaughter house thingy that has stormed the internet?
Phakpa Lama: Tok tok chem chem pai namjay…
Bhutan Pundit:  Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold your horses, sir. Mind your language.

Advantages of having a slaughter house
1. We spend an enormous amount of money in importing meat. Imagine the impact that will bring on our farmers economically.
2. Since we have a very robust regulatory systems like BAFRA, the quality of meat will obviously be well looked into.
3. The spread of diseases will be significantly controlled.
4. Huge economic boost.
5. The outflow of IC can be controlled in millions.
6. God knows the kinds of cancerous substances we’ve been consuming. I fear.
7. I doubt what chemicals they feed the animals or what preservatives they use.

Disadvantages of  having a slaughter house
1. Impending Earthquake.
2. Due to too much consumption of meat, entire population of Bhutan might die of diabetes.

Now, thanks to the thousands of bandwagoning idiots; because we’re now pressured to live up to the expectations of countless morons who dictate how the rest of us should live our lives based on some well-intentioned idiocy coined by some first century sage and to play our part in their contrived narrative to bring closure to the Idea of our choice and freedom.
Congratulations. You won.

Bhutanese public toilet, also known as bush

How many times did you enter a public toilet and find it overflowing with shit, filled with sticks or swarmed with flies? Always. How many public toilets do we have in Bhutan? Very few. What then? We have to run to the mercy of nature to relief ourselves, risking bear attacks or bee stings.
Why not use hotel/restaurant toilets? Have you seen the look on their faces when you order nothing and just use their toilet?

We are seriously too proud of our natural heritage that if anyone asked for a toilet, an obvious answer would be, “dude we have 72.5% of forest, what do you need a toilet for?”
Being raised in a very religious society, with altruistic moral upbringing, we believe in giving back to nature, yeah a huge turd in the shape of a torma, that’s what you give back to the environment. A perfect barter for the life-giving oxygen and free natural resources.

Thimphu City has only two toilets; one which is near RICB building -a residence cum public toilet and another at bus booking.
Which means, if you have diarrhea, you’ll have to decide firstly which toilet is the nearest and secondly, storm towards the toilet 100 meter dash; with a leaky butt while chanting Om Mani Padme Hung so that the gods or whatever deity responsible will somehow miraculously be involved in preventing you from shitting your pants.

We do have graffiti art culture in Bhutan, except, most of our highly talented artists use semen stained toilet walls to convey their message to the masses. Drawings of oddly shaped genitals, obese couple having sex or depressing quotes like “Chimi is a Randi, call her in this number…” 

The Buddha point, a beautiful tourist location once, but with all the after-party fishy activities that has been happening lately, the place could be rechristened adultery Hill, and is filled with tampons, used balloons, and shit.

Sarpang Bazaar, mini Bihar of Bhutan is the infamous place to shit. The moment you enter the slum, you get the stench of rotting feces. Fresh shit, rotting shit, diarrhea; Sarshop shit, Bengali shit, Bihari shit, Lotshampa shit, tourist shit, poor men’s shit, rich men’s shit, name it, smell it. No discrimination -gender, ethnic, whatsoever. As you go behind the town, provided you possess enough courage, and are trained enough in anulom-vilom by Baba Ramdev to control your breath for the entire duration, you’ll be welcomed with an endless display of sel-rotis.

Pelela, Dochula and Yonphula are some good places to shit. With cold, fresh unpolluted air hitting against your butt, a scenic landscape, yes, happiness is a place. To add to the fun, you can perhaps smoke a joint or sip in liquor. If you have constipation, you can hold one to the twigs as you tear your rectum to force out hardened excrement.

But we can use the lack of toilets to our advantage. We can play the revenge game. Do you hate the ruling party? Shit around the Minister’s colony. Are you pissed with the municipal? Shit behind their office. Traffic police’re bothering you? Shit behind RSTA office. Your landlord’s a douche bag? Shit in front of his door.
In fact, if you take a taxi to Lhuentse from Phuentsholing, you could shit all across the length of the country from Chukha to Thimphu to Wangduephodrang to Trongsa to Bumthang to Trashigang to Trashi Yangtse to Mongar. All you need to do is order a plate of puri from Jaigoan and you’re all set to manure the whole country with your eco-friendly shit revenge.

List of places that need toilets:
1. Hospital
2. Police Check Point
3. Towns
4. Schools
5. Banks
6. Your village
7. Your home

And that, dear Bhutanese, is how you bond with Nature.

I don’t understand Bhutanese films

Do you want to watch a movie that is a poor imitation of Korean romance, South Indian action and Bollywood comedies of Jonny Lever days? Watch a Bhutanese film.

Plotline/synopsis of 80% of Bhutanese films:
OK the heroine’s dad is a wealthy-psychopath. The hero is a poor hut-dwelling peasant. And the aforementioned wealthy-psychopath-dad marries her off to someone… wait, isn’t that something we’ve been seeing for centuries? Give us a break, can we move on now?

Musicals
Seriously! Who starts following a girl with a song at a first glance like a horny goat? It’s creepy, dude. Do you know who else does that in real life? A rapist.
I mean when do such things ever happen in real life? You don’t suddenly jump into the crowd and start thrusting your pelvis like a disco lunatic.
And the truth is we’re not even a musical society. We don’t have songs for everything. We’ve been singing Gang-hukpa-cha-cha for almost every occasions since God knows when.

Zigdra
The actor is a He-man. He can ride, he can drive, he can play guitar, he can dance, he can swim, he can fly Airplane, he can beat the shit out of ten solid men. Have you seen him fight? Man, screw the laws of Physics.
He is the alpha male of Bhutan. He is the Bhutanese sex symbol that all Bhutanese women will want to get laid with. Women will literally get pregnant just by watching him. Promise.

And that doesn’t come easily, looks is a primary criterion. He has to have the most gay-ass looking mullet. That thing is the definition of Bhutanese sex appeal. The youths copy it. The elders admire it. Women die for it. It’s so eighties, though.

 

Misty Terrace’s Song’s all about Highways

I was carefully analyzing Misty Terrace’s songs. I cracked the code! It’s all about Highways. Yonphula Highway, Babesa Highway, Kabesa to Babesa Highway.

Now one can fairly predict their next song could be about Phuentsholing Highway, perhaps with a touch mention of Dantak canteen and Tanalung checkpoint. Maybe mention about Chukha Dam and how the ducks have found home in it. Tsimakoti and their high-cost low-quality restaurants.
Second verse could as well talk about how the cows sleep on the road to avoid leeches and how drunk drivers could quickly turn them into beef, I leave it all to their creative taste.

To save them work I have made a list of Highways in Bhutan, which could be next super hit number:
1. Trashigang to Samdrup Jongkhar Highway.
2. Mongar to Lhuentshe highway.
3. Thimphu to Gelephu Highway, please ask Drona to Rap about Punatshangchu Project. Please.
4. Thimphu to Bumthang Highway, Pelela is a good starting verse for the intro.
5. Thimphu to Paro Highway.
6. Punakha to Gasa Highway could be a tricky one, give a try. It’s hard to force a rhyme with the bump, I know.
7. Gelephu to Trongsa Highway, please do not forget Tingtibi and depressing Zhemgang. 

Good chances are they might get funding from RSTA, PWD, Dungkar Transport and Sernya Transport.

All said, I am a huge fan of Misty Terrace, I urge them to keep the creativity flowing.

Bhutan Telecom, never there for you

This post is not intended to bring any changes whatsoever. You see, years of complaining about their shitty services without any improvement on their part proved a great deal of waste of time, and you encourage yourself instead to move on with life and not be bothered with petty things. Arguing with Bhutan Telecom is like playing Tug of War with an ox. After a point, you look at yourself, wonder what the heck you were thinking, and let go of the rope.

Here is a record of an incredible experience I had with the Bhutan Telecom customer service:

Welcome to Bhutan Telecom. Press 1 for English service, press 2 for Dzongkha, press 3 to connect to an agent, press 4 to connect to Satan.
I pressed 3 and waited while listening to a drunk orangutan play the keyboard.

Bt: hello, Bhutan Telecom la
Me: Hello la, can you connect me to system la?
Bt: Ok la.

Someone picks the call:
BT: Hello la,
Me: Hello, can you help me regarding the upgrade of my account type from home package to the enterprise?
BT: This is not system la, we deal with broadband only, We do not handle account upgrade. please dial 343434

I patiently dialed 343434
Auto message: Welcome to Bhutan Telecom, if you’re reaching us for inquiry, support and help related to our services please call our direct toll-free number 1600 instead. 

Again, I dialed 1600 somewhat looking pissed.
Auto message: Welcome to Bhutan Telecom. Press one for English Service, press 2 for Dzongkha, press 3 to connect to an agent, press….. I pressed 3, …continued drunk orangutan playing the keyboard….

Bt: hello, Bhutan Telecom la
Me: Hello la, can you connect me to a concerned person regarding my internet package upgrade?
Bt: Please dial 343434 directly la.
Me: I tried that, it asked for the extension number, can you at least give me the extension?
Bt: We are not allowed to give the extension la, I’ll connect to the person instead la.

…shitty music…

It turns out; she connected me to the same guy again.
BT: Hello la,
Me: Hello, can you help me regarding the upgrade of my account type from home package to enterprise?|
BT: We deal with broadband only, We do not handle account upgrade.. please dial 343434
Me: I already dialed 343434, it told me to dial 1600 instead, can you please give me the number of the concerned person?
BT: Please call Dawa Sonam on this number…

Me Dialing Dawa Sonam, quite pissed by now, some shitty Bhutanese CRBT plays in the background.
Dawa: Hello la
Me: Is this Dawa? Can you help me upgrade my account type from home package to enterprise?
Dawa: I do not handle account type, please connect to accounts section.

I dial Account section:
BT Account: Hello la,
Me: Hello, can you help me regarding the upgrade of my account type from home package to enterprise?|
BT Account: We only deal with payment la, you have to contact system in order to upgrade your account.

This way, I was kept in the circle for two weeks. I still couldn’t connect to the systems. I seriously feel like it is easier to connect to God than Bhutan Telecom systems. 

God Damn it! Bhutan Telecom! What are you? Wireless service from the 80’s? Why is it so difficult to avail a simple service? Despite your mobile and internet service being so shitty, now congratulations, even your customer service is as bad. It’s no rocket science. Where did you train your customer service people? In Hell? Is it some smart tactics to deter your customers from calling or do you really suck this bad?

 

From baktang ball to World Cup qualifying match

First of all congratulations to Team Bhutan for the miraculous win. Those cuss muttering, nail biting, fingers crossing moments in wait and disbelief proved the world and us wrong. We did it. Although most of us saw the moment 10 minutes later, thanks to our internet speed, we all shouted with joy for the first time ever.

And this is from a country that gives the least importance to sports. Come on, don’t we have a better reason than tackling drug issues to invest in sports? For the fact that most of us Bhutanese footballers grew up practicing football with paper stuffed sock ball; out in the maize field, with twisted toe nail, wearing a gho, barefoot, while half of the attention diverted towards keeping yourselves from falling so that you don’t expose your bare naked butt.

Bhutanese sportsman should be taken seriously. They should be paid high. They carry us all into the world stage. The world will decide our image based on what they see in them.

I think we have hope, and the hope will perhaps guide us in taking football and sports seriously. Let’s not be a ding-a-ling.
And please say no to ugly Photoshop of the team with a lightening backdrop.

Are MPs and Ministers robbing our country?

Here is my thought on the recent Salary hike for the Ministers and MPs.
I believe the MPs and ministers should be paid high, give them more facilities so that qualified people are willing to quit their jobs and join politics. You see, it’s a risk factor, and it takes a tremendous amount of sacrifice on their part. When politics is not so attractive, no one qualified is willing to take that risk. What? You mean to say that people should quit their better jobs for something that is less attractive and pays less? Why don’t you break up with your girlfriend and start dating an orangutan? They’re running a country, not poultry farms, you hillbilly.

As a result, politics have become a massive slum for the jobless and unqualified, half-brained good for nothing, rejected-from-every-job graduates. No one takes politics seriously anymore. And this is true, you know it, you’ve seen it. Past seven years of democracy has perhaps taught us a thing or two, and in particular, how painful it is for the power to fall in the wrong hands. We’ve directly or indirectly faced the repercussions of our votes. You need experience and wisdom that comes from it to run a country, not your final year mark sheet. I’m not saying older should rule, I’m just saying qualified people should.

We Bhutanese should, instead of shouting like a retard, strive towards a fairer democracy where it doesn’t become a fish market for every dog with a voice to fight for the chicken bone. When everyone has a voice, it becomes noise.

Now you can argue about it, debate with me, shout at me, call me a moron but you have to know one thing that I have a huge penis, and therefore your argument is invalid.

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